The day I sent DinoBoy to school in a cab, leaving him to walk to the school gate alone, watching his small body bearing the weight of the school bag half the size of him I almost cried my heart out while the cab moved away. It feels like I am dumping him at the school heartlessly and letting him walked into the school
carrying such a heavy bag alone. So I was wallowing in guilt for the next 15mins till I reached office.
For 6 years, DinoPapa and me took turns to send DinoBoy to the child care centre and walking with him right up to the door. If I am the one sending we will do our usual Hug, Kiss and Bye routine plus my string of encouraging words, nagging or "you be good boy today" kinda of love instructions.
Perhaps that is the reason why I feel guilty.
For 6 years, we hold him in our hands, close to our heart, our precious little one, giving him rooms to grow and be himself but still holding on to part of him so that we can reign him in when he wander off the road.
Perhaps that is the reason why I couldn't let go.
For 6 years, we trained him to be independent, to try to tackle a new task or to take on a challenge bravely before seeking help from either or us. Some times I feel that we have pushed him to the limit till he just want to give up every thing without even attempting to try his hands on the task/challenge.
Perhaps that is the reason why he think nothing of this new challenge.
Today is the 5th day he's walking to the school gate himself, every morning before we leave the house I will ask him if he wants me to walk him to the gate because "You bag is SO HEAVY TODAY!" (Can you hear my exaggerated tone?). He will reject my offer with a there-you-go-again face and reply me a mild voice "Mum, I think you just let me alight some where near the gate and I'll walk in myself." then shakes his head and continue with what he was doing. I felt a pang of stab in my chest in that split second....
My baby is growing up and this mummy is having a difficult time to come to terms with that! Quick! Give me a towel to hide my face while I cry my heart out!
~ ~ ~
Linking up with