Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I don't want him to grow up!

The day I sent DinoBoy to school in a cab, leaving him to walk to the school gate alone, watching his small body bearing the weight of the school bag half the size of him I almost cried my heart out while the cab moved away.  It feels like I am dumping him at the school heartlessly and letting him walked into the school carrying such a heavy bag alone. So I was wallowing in guilt for the next 15mins till I reached office.

For 6 years, DinoPapa and me took turns to send DinoBoy to the child care centre and walking with him right up to the door.  If I am the one sending we will do our usual Hug, Kiss and Bye routine plus my string of encouraging words, nagging or "you be good boy today" kinda of love instructions.

Perhaps that is the reason why I feel guilty.

For 6 years, we hold him in our hands, close to our heart, our precious little one, giving him rooms to grow and be himself but still holding on to part of him so that we can reign him in when he wander off the road.

Perhaps that is the reason why I couldn't let go.

For 6 years, we trained him to be independent, to try to tackle a new task or to take on a challenge bravely before seeking help from either or us.  Some times I feel that we have pushed him to the limit till he just want to give up every thing without even attempting to try his hands on the task/challenge.

Perhaps that is the reason why he think nothing of this new challenge.

Today is the 5th day he's walking to the school gate himself, every morning before we leave the house I will ask him if he wants me to walk him to the gate because "You bag is SO HEAVY TODAY!" (Can you hear my exaggerated tone?).  He will reject my offer with a there-you-go-again face and reply me a mild voice "Mum, I think you just let me alight some where near the gate and I'll walk in myself."  then shakes his head and continue with what he was doing.  I felt a pang of stab in my chest in that split second....

My baby is growing up and this mummy is having a difficult time to come to terms with that!  Quick!  Give me a towel to hide my face while I cry my heart out!

~ ~ ~

Linking up with

MummyMOO

14 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean!! C is starting cc soon and I'm already dreading it. This mummy has separation anxiety more than I think he might have...

    Z will be fine. He's streetsmart and will know how to handle things. Meanwhile, we cry together, k?

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    1. I know he will be ok but but but.... I still cannot take it :(

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  2. Jen! I feel like crying now too!!!!

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    1. Lets hug n cry together Adora & Regina!

      Remember to be mentally prepared when its your turn, and cry your heart out after that.

      Delete
  3. Oh goodness, I am such a goner when it is my turn. Totally and hopelessly. I dread the day when Dumpling prefers hanging out with her friends and that kissing her mum is no longer cool. Sigh

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    1. I'm ok with No Kissing Mum In Front of My Friends coz older boys tends to become shy when kissing a female even if its Mum.

      Haiz... wait till the day he turn teens n enters in secondary school... I think I'll go berserk!

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  4. One reason for wanting more children in our family... when one baby grows up, there's always another. :)

    My boy can't wait to grow up (in fact he's asking recently if he can skip JC and go to University) and here am I hoping that he'll stay at 4, coz they're just so cute at this age. :P

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Skip JC? He is helping you to save collage fees~ Ya 4 is such a cute age. I remember I still can carry my boy and we'll snuggle on the sofa and chat. Now he cant sit long on my lap coz he's getting heavier haha~

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  5. I am so dreading next year... I can totally understand how it feels for u, esp when we only have one precious child. Every milestone for them, is a big deal for us moms with one child. Time really passes too fast, and every moment we have with them at a young age is slipping by too quickly :((

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    1. I thought I was prepared but obviously there is no such thing as "well prepared" when it comes to letting go of our precious child so that they can flap their wings and soar into the sky! All I can do now is brace myself for the next instant where he will be flying a little further away from me.

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  6. I know how you feel, cause i was too feeling that way. When i see Char sobbing and refuse to go into the school i feel bad and i sob with her too.. but I try to hold my tears and walk away.

    After a week of struggling to settle this week she is much better, today she walk in the gate and wave goodbye. And i saw her greeting the principle.

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    1. That's good! Must be brave, don't be scared of the teachers.

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    2. Lol i feel like i am back to when i initally sent her to childcare.

      And normally she will be able to sleep by herself, now have to listen to her loh soh at her bedside before she could sleep.

      So now you are showing your true side. Everytime you say don't care, but you are worried.
      Mummy is always mummy, never stop worrying about their child. Soon you will be jealous your precious boy have a girl friend opps!!!

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    3. When I say I don't care I am directing at him being responsible for his own things. I will not want to keep helping him to do things or remember things for him, he will not learn anything if I keep doing that. I am letting him learn the consequences of being irresponsible or not paying attention to teachers. How long can we do things for them? Eventually they must learn to be independent and become some one of substance and caliber.

      I AM showing my true side in this post, I am showing the MUM in me.

      I am not worried that he will get scolding or punishment from teachers because it is part and parcel of growing up.

      Delete

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