I was raised the old school way, there were many rules & restrictions for kids at that time. Punishments; sometimes harsh ones, were given for disobeying instructions, being defiant or scored badly in school tests/exams. The adults shushed me up for sharing my thoughts however bizarre it may be and I was told to "stop talking nonsenses." or "stop day dreaming!". During my time, children are to be seen and not heard, simple as that.
I turned out well, of course there were some knocks and bumps along the way together with some bitterness in my life but I managed to get by eventually. So when DinoBoy was born, I was prepared to use these rules on him, if I survived and turned out to be who I am today there must still be some good points in the old school way right?
Well, it worked well for the first 1.5 years of his life, to DinoBoy my way is the right way, no negotiations no bargaining, not that he knows how to do so at that age. Then I started to have problems with him. No amount of punishment, scolding, threatening, rewarding, coaxing and nagging (ya I nagged at the then 2 year old DinoBoy, how crazy is that!) could make him listen to me or do things in my way. Then I discovered that he was a highly spirited child, so I ditched my old school parenting and followed Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's way.
This was the first time I learn to observe my son, to get down to his level and seriously listen to him. This was the first time I know that to make things work between us, we must first learn to connect with each other. This was the start of our positive parenting journey and we sailed through the years peacefully.
All went well till DinoBoy started Primary school, he was having some emotions and anger issues that left me feeling so helpless and on the verge of losing all hopes. I was unable to connect with him, the many nights where we had our talk about his behavior falls to deaf ears. I am glad that I had great support from his school and student care centre that enable me to survived this difficult time, I emerged victory no doubt covered with scars but definitely wiser. You can read about it over here and here.
These trying times also made me took a step further into positive parenting, I have just decided to do away punishments to DinoBoy, but this will depends on the seriousness of the situation. We will have to talk about it, ensuring that DinoBoy understand the consequences of the mistakes or behavior, and that such incidents will not happen again. If he keeps making the same mistakes or showing the same undesired behavior then his privileges will be removed as a form of punishment. I hope in the near future that things will be calmer and there will be no more crazy emotions and temper flying around the family.
I am starting a monthly linky Empowering Positive Parenting, my post will go live on the last day of every month so that I can look back and reflect on the things that happened. Join me as I continue to embrace and embark on the positive parenting journey. If you like to share tips or your story on positive parenting, please grab my linky button and add your link below so that many more parents can benefit from it.
What a great idea! I hope I can remember your linky event at the end of the month. I call the "connecting" process you mentioned "tying strings." I"m always trying to do things with my children which will build their attachment to me (I have no problem being attached to THEM) and hence, tying our strings together.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun way to call that connecting process!
DeleteWell Amy, its an ongoing linky so if you can link up any time of the month =)