Thursday, July 23, 2015

Confessions of an Imperfect Mum

Loosely translated as;

My Mum
Name : Lim
Work : Accountant
Hobby : scolding me and Dad
I wish to tell her: Do not scold me and Dad

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I posted the above photo in my facebook page for the pure purpose of sharing the #kidssaythedarnestthing or face palm moment.  The photo has since garnered 5524 views, 15 shares, 61 likes in my page and 32 likes in my personal facebook in just 21 hours.

For those who clicked "Like", I'd like to think that you did so because you are in the same shoes as me (regardless of gender) or perhaps you find humour in it or maybe you think this 9 year old is speaking the hard truth.

Regardless of the reason, I felt them, all A.T. T.H.E. S.A.M.E T.I.M.E. with roller coaster ride emotions in that 30 seconds while I was taking it all in and mouthing "What the hell" slowly.

Ok before I go on I have to put a disclaimer, I rarely scold DinoPapa, why in the world would I do that?  Most of the time I just grumble or nag at him, or we argue - sometimes too loudly too, not that I wanted to but I get all loud when agitated, its my character, can't help it.

So, the boy just pushed my reputation up another level, towards the negative side no doubt. *sigh*  Well, fierce and stern I am, Tiger Mum I admit though not 100% but but but *starts of dramatic crying* "Son~~ I am doing this for your OWN good~~~ How could you be so cruel to me~~~!!!!"  Alright alright!  Enuff of the Drama Mama!

The Hard Truth is, I am what he said in that one liner.  No shocking expression over here I believe, everyone knows that I am far from being the prim and proper, soft spoken type of Mum.  I see any behaviour I don't like from him I'll holler at him to stop, even if its like across the room.  I put my son under my tight reins, I nipped his undesired behaviour at the bud when he was very young BUT I praises him when he does well and is over the moon when he managed to accomplish something that he couldn't for the past weeks/months.  My motto?  I punish and I reward accordingly.

Yupe, that's what they said and they are right.

For all the horrible, monstrous things I said and did to my son, there are many more nicer, pleasant, happier, fun moments too (I've got proof!  Just scroll through my instagram or the facebook page), but.. what the heck, who can fight with the brain who tends to do the above constantly?

Parenting is such hard work, being a Mum just made the job doubly hard because we seems to be the one that the kids will run to for every thing and anything under the sun.  And, let's face it, we worry MORE about our kids than our partner, we have all these "What If"s or "I Wish"s or "I Want"s messing running constantly inside our mind that we try to find answers or ways to achieve that expectation.  In the process we got all uptight (in confusion too sometimes) when things turned out the other way and that's where it gets a little bit heated up which leads to some tongue lashing at the kids for "not trying hard enough", though most of the time WE, the parent, doesn't know how much effort is deemed enough.  We are being hard on ourselves so in turn we pass that onto our child in double dosage.

When we are dealing with kid's tantrums, they advised us to "pick the battles to fight", in this case I'll say the same too.  Choose your expectations you have on your child, keep the level realistic and reachable, guide them to become the person you wish him to be.  You can't possible be a perfect parent with a perfect child who scores all 20 expectations without any meltdowns, that only exist in the movie so you better get that off your head right now.

I have been quite lax with DinoBoy lately, not because I care lesser now that he is older but because I looked past all my expectations on him and the expectations from the others from me - the Mum who has to do all the right things.  Took me 7 years to realize this but thank God that I finally "opened" my mind and eyes.  I stroke off most of the expectations I have for DinoBoy and kept things simple .  From there on, we talked a lot, including the things that I would like him to do and the stuffs that I prefer him to stop doing.  I gave him something that makes him feel important... I gave him a sense of Responsibility.  He is responsible of his schoolwork, his behavior in school (no more outbursts no more fighting etc) and things around him.  It did not happen overnight, we are still working on it, hence the "scolding" episodes are still around because kids have a memory of a gold fish!  Arrgghh!!! What's so difficult to remember to pick up and put the dirty clothes into the laundry basket after he has showered and changed?  Or switch off the lights after he left the room?

All is not lost, recently I see great improvements from him, I gave myself a small pat at the back and said "We made it!".  You bet I let DinoBoy knows how proud I am and I even thanked him for doing things without being asked to.  He was grinning ear to ear and pretty pleased with himself too.

I hope this post serves as a reminder to every parent, to hold that tongue the next time you feel the need to lash out at your child, instead take a second to think if there are alternative ways to deal with the situation.  If you have been scolding or yelling at your child at any given moment and need suggestions to give you a head start, just hop off to one of my earlier post here, you should be able to get some ideas to curb that monster inside you.

Of course the said homework was corrected to show a much "normal and pleasant" Mum, his Chinese teacher will not be falling off her chair either laughing her head off or with disbelief in her eyes.

Last but not least, if you are interested to read all the comments my lovely friends wrote on that photo, click here.  Have fun reading it!


  1. Hahahaha! I am tickled by his written work! I can imagine that wave of emotions running through you as you read it. I am very sure that's the same thing my son would want to tell me too! Recently i asked a 11yo girl what she remembers her mom doing most with her. And surprise surprise, she said scolding. I think it's like that for most kids. I love your 'lesson learnt' nugget. Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to ignite more positive memories than negative in my child. TRY!

    1. It's so scary that kids only remember the scolding from their parents. Truth to be told my childhood memory is mostly about the beatings/caning/scolding too! So its a reality check for me so I must let my son have more wonderful memories then these. Let's all jiayou together!

  2. Hey mummy...your son may not have the patient to explain to u slowly....don't take it too hard.
    My son do say nasty things to me too....but when he see that Im upsad he will say....alright mummy we learn together....u just have to be more patient....I still love u.
    Parenthood has no manual. Relax....we are also learning.

    1. Sometimes I'm the one who's patience h as run out thus I scold him lol Your son is so sweet to say that! Mine will say I'm sorry Mum and hug me. why must make us visibly upset than will listen and follow instructions? I'm not upset with what he wrote actually, more amused than anything.