Thursday, March 21, 2013

We are a Three Generation Family!

Since my mum & younger brother moved in with us about 2 weeks ago, it has been emotionally, mentally and physically strenuous for us.  Despite our agreement to only just move the necessary things over and either give away or donate things that she has no use for, my mum arrived at my house with 20+ carton boxes of different sizes. We were expecting that she will bring more then she claimed but was shocked to see so many boxes!

For the following days after unpacking the daily necessity items  she refused to let us open up the remaining boxes to go through them and pack them away, claiming that those items are important to her, and she will have a use for them -in future-  When we insist on checking the boxes she threw her temper at us. 

So we seek our older brother's help, who my mum will only listens to.  The next few days he came over the house to tackle the boxes, mum did not dare to protest or gave little objection when he wanted to throw or give away things; stuffs like a full set of pretty crockery, 2 sets of teacups with teapots, 2 brand new sets of corning wares and stacks of bowls & plates plus many more.

Even though she seems cooperative, she was feeling sad as it feels like part of her was being "thrown out".  At one point she broke down and wails, crying that if she know that we are going to treat her "like that" she will "find some other place to stay!" and she want "to go and find my dad."  It makes me feel guilty to see my 70+ year old mum sitting on the sofa doing that... but deep in our heart we know it is for her own good.  After that drama, she adopted a you-want-to-throw-or-donate-then-go-ahead attitude, sits on the sofa and sulk.  We turned a blind eyes to that and continued with the work.

Soon the boxes were unpacked and 90% of her stuffs were either throw or given away or donated.

Few days ago, I started to clear out my store room so that my mum can keep her stuffs inside there.  It was a tiring job but luckily I have DinoPapa and my younger bro's help so things were done pretty quick.

Before we can start moving stuffs into the store room, Mum stepped in, refusing to let us put her Karaoke CDs in the store room, claiming that she will need them and its "troublesome" for her to get it from the store room.  Puzzled about her rationale behind this as she clearly does not use them very often plus there really isn't much space for her to put 4 boxes of CDs in the room (that she shares with DinoBoy), but we put 1 box in the room and keep the rest in the store room just to make her happy.  End of saga...  Or so I thought, she refuse to acknowledge me or talk to me for the rest of the day.

I still have to pack the room she is sharing with DinoBoy and the kitchen! More things to  move around, repack or throw away (sensitive words).  More frustrations, anger and despair with expectations of temper flaring and feelings to be hurt.

Well, these are during the unpacking sessions, every day there will be moments where she will drive us up the wall.  Mum is not as tidy and clean as we are so the house are a little bit messy and dirty, this can't be help as it is impossible to keep cleaning or vacuuming the whole day or tell her times and again not to do certain things.  She most probably will just continue to do it her way and ignore us.  Mum has a nagging habit literally, she nags and nags and nags AND nags.  Sometimes even when she knows very well that I will not be happy with what she is going to say, she will give me a so-call warning "I tell you something, you just listen will do, don't get angry ok?" before saying it out and 99% it will make me unhappy or frustrated.

It was a difficult & tensed up period for me & DinoPapa, we couldn't enjoy a quiet evening after a hard day at work.  There was always some form of arguments with my mum on the things she do like stacking a huge plastic netted basket filled with her stuffs on top of a shelf in a room with limited walking space, an accident waiting to happen though she deny it completely saying that "it will never fall on top of anyone lah!".  It got so bad and is affecting me unknowingly that one day DinoBoy asked "Mum, why are you shouting at me?" I was taken aback... I did not realized that the tone of my voice was harsh and loud when I told DinoBoy to do something. 

However, albeit all these negative events and emotions I am still happy that mum is staying with us!  Especially when she is still not feeling well as mentioned in my blog post last week, I can order her to take the medicine OR ELSE "I'll call Brother!" (she's so stubborn!).  I hope she gets well soon, feels a whole lot better and starts cooking meals for us, at least there is something for her to do and occupy her time.   Then I can start indulging myself with "Mummy's Food", a range of food that is unique and special to each and every one's Mummy.

And also hearing DinoBoy shout out "Por-por!!!!  We are HOME!!!" the minute he steps into the house, we no long come home to an empty house.

Or precious moments like this...

Both of them will have each others company either with a board game of Ducks In A Row, shooting the pigs down with Angry Birds, chatting or some thing else together.  For the first time he is spending lesser time on tv, ipad or iphone!  On top of that my mum will be all too happy to have someone who she can fuss about with, she still thinks DinoBoy is 2-3 years old, wanting to help him bath/change clothes/carry bag or feed dinner to him etc. 

So my days will be different, I'll probably will not get used to the things my mum does or says but I can turn a blind eye or deaf ear to those with the aim of keeping peace in the house.  The wise ones said “All good things come to he who waits” so wait I shall, patiently, for things to get better, then peace, calm and tranquility will finally make their way back to our humble home.

~ ~ ~

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  1. I feel the same with my MIL and parents. Simply a love and hate affair. But I always remind myself to love them more and "talk back less" cos they are usually more help than trouble. I believe in karma so I will always remind myself to hold my tongue back. :)

  2. It is never easy to stay with parents or in-laws after having stayed on your own for some time. Jia you!!! It takes a lot of positivity, and patience for sure!

  3. Older folks, always a challenge to live with them but it is our responsibility to be there for them as their kids. Frustrating no doubt and definitely trying, but it helps to see the good but not the bad, which u have. U and your hb have been very patient and loving towards her, and I think she has also realized it. No matter what the challenge esp with relationships, I think love and patience will eventually conquer all problems.

  4. during my first confinement, it was 4 generations living under one roof. after that one month, let's just say, erm, lucky i have my own house? haha.

    it's definitely not easy to live with parents after having your own family, and kudos to you for opening your doors to your mom, and have her over to stay with you! too many stories of old folks being abandoned in old folks' home, it's nice to see how you are doing your best to have your mother around, despite the differences :)